A nonhuman character in heavy makeup: *is very long*

Me: is that you, Doug

The credits: Freaky Creature played by Doug Jones

Me: YEAHHHH

When it’s Doug

this video is CUTE, the animal is clearly in distress but it is a vile creature unloved by any god and we are correct to derive pleasure and satisfaction from its misery

Hanging out with old people rules because after a while they trust you enough to confess to murder totally unprompted

Wait what.

Sometimes old ladies had to kick the ladder out from under their stepfathers when they were girls and that’s valid

I used to work in a nursing home and there was a tiny old lady there who was very kind but also had a pretty profound case of dementia. I went to get her for her therapy one day and I was like “Good morning Miss [x], I’m here to take you to therapy!”

“Oh dear. I don’t know if I’m allowed to go to therapy right now–I’m in jail.”

“Jail?! Why are you in jail?”

“If I had to guess, they probably found out about the man I killed in ‘79…”

my fuckin face when

hey does anyone have that picture of garfield thats like

non-looping gifs fuck me up so bad

old people be like back in my day they sung about REAL shit then they put it on and its like waoohh i love my baby and she is a sweetie

they’re right

one time i was taking a shit in a public restroom, in the stalls of course, and i hear this guy bust in yelling “I SENSE SOMEONE WITH A TUMBLR BLOG IN HERE” i was shaking so much and just started to shit even faster, he started shaking all the stall doors and when he got to mine he started punching the door so hard that it broke in half. then we made out.